The mystery of Contemplation.

So today on my day off, I sit and am bored with the seemingly simple life a day off gives me. It exiles me to a day that I can do anything, accomplish my goals, and pursue my hearts desires so and so on.

Sometimes I sit and wonder what my life desires truly are, I contemplate and seethe with the frustration that I may never know what I am supposed to do. Right now I am filled with happiness, for I am loved by family and friends. I have a wife, whom I most assuredly adore and have pledged my life to. I have a purpose knowing that we will live together for the rest of our days.

The problem lies, with what else I should do, I love to write and read. If I had a choice I would do everything I possibly could by the end, an end none of us feel free to dwell on. So here I am considering what to do in my life, and it seems at the age of 25 that my life has an infinite amount of possibilities, and here I can grasp none of them.

I guess unlike most I don’t desire to be rich or wealthy in a generalized and often misused sense of the term. I want to have known that I have made a difference in life. In those lives around me and across as broad of spectrum as possible. So I sit and contemplate, I know not how to accomplish this.

This is why I assemble at my computer desk typing on an archaic machine we know as a desktop PC. In the merest hope that putting my mind on “paper”, a tangible substance that I can work out my feelings on the subject.

Following this train of thought, I come to a crux, the core of the problem, a perplexing and pivotal conundrum. I have absolutely no idea what I want to be when I grow up!?!!?!

Perhaps a list of options would help me decide.

  • Author- this is perhaps the dream in which I will definitely try and succeed but here insofar has eluded me. The mental cohesion and cerebral fortitude has absconded me, and will continue to do so until I put my mind to it.
  • Politian- here is a place where I feel I can make the biggest difference. Feasibly in conjunction with my first choice. To start I feel the current system of Government in the United States is appalling and needs to be changed. I feel I could be a catalyst for that change. I see what our way of life is doing to us, and someone needs to stand up. I want to be that person, desperately. My enigma is figuring out how.
  • Journalist- I can enrapture the ideas I hold most dear unto my listeners. Just maybe changing the actions of an individual perchance accomplishing something great. To reach an audience as wide as the world and deliver on my promises.
  • Start a business- I wouldn’t have the slightest idea of what business that would be. Something that I could call my own. A piece of my legacy to be left behind for future generations of Michels’. To follow in the footsteps of fathers previously and endow my children with the knowledge and fortune of my life.

Those are perhaps my biggest dreams, my aspirations and when I gaze upon the list I made I worry that I am too high. I reach for stars that don’t exist for a person like myself. I have no degree from a university. (Of which I plan to rectify in the near future)

I have not had the benefit of being bestowed “means”. My family instead has given me love, and a chivalrous nature. A wanting to do something better and bigger, not ambition in the oldest sense of the word. I can see it as a benevolent ambition a wanting to help and improve myself and my fellow man and woman.

There are lesser things I aspire to but do not know if they will hold my heart as dear as those I described earlier. In short I want change,

  • I have no idea who this will reach.
  • I have no idea how it will be received.
  • I have no idea why.
  • I have no idea what to do.
  • I have no idea where this will lead.

I do know that it was necessary, and that I need the help and compassion of those around me to help me realize my dreams.


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